He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
