i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
