You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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