Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
