How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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