I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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