People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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