Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
