Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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