my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
