you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
