Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
