Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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