What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
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