I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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