I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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