Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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