so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
