you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize