butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
