I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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