gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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