We won't sleep together?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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