Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize