theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
