I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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