Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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