Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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