the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
sex in a hospital.. check
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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