she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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