can u get pink eye on your cock?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
