WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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