You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
