just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
