I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
