Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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