Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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