Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
