I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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