when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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