you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
