Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
