I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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