Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
