So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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