3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm passing your future prison.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
