OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
