So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
