Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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