Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
