think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
