I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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