I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
