...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
