Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
