im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
