How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
