Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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