I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
