Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
