Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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