I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
