Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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