girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just gargled with NyQuil
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
