I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
