My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
