i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
