Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
