Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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